Spacing Out

Song of the Post: The Run And Go
     artist: Twenty One Pilots
     album: Vessel

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
Lately I've been noticing that I space out....A LOT. And it's not even the good ones about happy situations that you wish would come true such as meeting your idols, getting everything that you've always wanted, or even cuddling that special someone. Most of the time I imagine (almost hope) that a car would just run me over and break both my legs so that I don't have to dance or do anything.
I've been slacking off a bit lately, and it seems like something I can control, but I can't. My brain just randomly shuts off and then I start to fall behind a bit. I want to keep going, but my body physically can't take it in. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or the amount of stress or depression that I'm going through right now, but it has certainly taken its toll on me. I've tried so hard for so long that I have no drive to do anything anymore. Everything I want to do seems pointless because I know that I'll screw it up.
I've been feeling so alone and like I don't belong. I feel so bad for the people who have to put up with me. Who have to talk to my socially awkward self. Who have to walk and been seen with me (I'm not exactly attractive). I feel like such a burden to others, almost as if they have to put in effort to hang out with me. 
At this point, I don't even know what I want to achieve in life. I want to go into computers, but I've never taken any classes. I'm losing my ability to dance decently. I have a hard time talking to people because I'm afraid I talk too much. I hate looking in mirrors because I hate myself. That's not even an exaggeration. I have so many flaws, it's truly unbelievable. If I could, I would want to restart my whole life all over again. Sadly, that's not an option. It's just something I have to deal with, a life I pretend to enjoy. 

Hopefully these horrible daydreams will go away and be replaced with better ones.
All I can do....is wait.

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Asking Questions then Leaving - What's The Point?!?

Song of the Post: Mrs. All American
     artist: 5 Seconds Of Summer
     album: 5 Seconds Of Summer Target Exclusive (American version)

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
So I don't know if this was just me who thinks this is absurd, but what makes people think that it's okay to ask someone a question then walk away? ......What????
Not too long ago, I was sitting outside reading Girl Online by Zoe Sugg (it's a great book, check it out) waiting for my mom to come pick me up, and then one of my friends approached me. She asked what I was reading, then asked what it was about. In the middle of my brief summary, she just walked away as if she never even asked. I was so baffled by what had just occurred that I just sat there and pondered life. Had I done something wrong to make her walk away? Is she mad at me? Do I look angry or upset? Was the book not interesting? 
I didn't know what to do in that situation! Do I call out to her? Do I follow her and keep talking about the book? There's not much you can do without being slightly annoying or rude, although what she did was rude, but that's not the point.....sorta. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when things like this happen, it makes me feel a bit unimportant and useless as a human being. It may seem a bit extreme to say that, but it's true. I like when people listen to what I have to say because it means that my opinion matters. It may not make the biggest difference, but at least someone's listening.

That was such an awkward note to end on, but I don't know how else to finish. I've had this in my drafts for the longest time but never really got to publish it :/ 

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl