artist: Twenty One Pilots
album: Vessel
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Salutations fellow internet people!
Lately I've been noticing that I space out....A LOT. And it's not even the good ones about happy situations that you wish would come true such as meeting your idols, getting everything that you've always wanted, or even cuddling that special someone. Most of the time I imagine (almost hope) that a car would just run me over and break both my legs so that I don't have to dance or do anything.
I've been slacking off a bit lately, and it seems like something I can control, but I can't. My brain just randomly shuts off and then I start to fall behind a bit. I want to keep going, but my body physically can't take it in. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or the amount of stress or depression that I'm going through right now, but it has certainly taken its toll on me. I've tried so hard for so long that I have no drive to do anything anymore. Everything I want to do seems pointless because I know that I'll screw it up.
I've been feeling so alone and like I don't belong. I feel so bad for the people who have to put up with me. Who have to talk to my socially awkward self. Who have to walk and been seen with me (I'm not exactly attractive). I feel like such a burden to others, almost as if they have to put in effort to hang out with me.
At this point, I don't even know what I want to achieve in life. I want to go into computers, but I've never taken any classes. I'm losing my ability to dance decently. I have a hard time talking to people because I'm afraid I talk too much. I hate looking in mirrors because I hate myself. That's not even an exaggeration. I have so many flaws, it's truly unbelievable. If I could, I would want to restart my whole life all over again. Sadly, that's not an option. It's just something I have to deal with, a life I pretend to enjoy.
Hopefully these horrible daydreams will go away and be replaced with better ones.
All I can do....is wait.
Salutations fellow internet people!
Lately I've been noticing that I space out....A LOT. And it's not even the good ones about happy situations that you wish would come true such as meeting your idols, getting everything that you've always wanted, or even cuddling that special someone. Most of the time I imagine (almost hope) that a car would just run me over and break both my legs so that I don't have to dance or do anything.
I've been slacking off a bit lately, and it seems like something I can control, but I can't. My brain just randomly shuts off and then I start to fall behind a bit. I want to keep going, but my body physically can't take it in. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep or the amount of stress or depression that I'm going through right now, but it has certainly taken its toll on me. I've tried so hard for so long that I have no drive to do anything anymore. Everything I want to do seems pointless because I know that I'll screw it up.
I've been feeling so alone and like I don't belong. I feel so bad for the people who have to put up with me. Who have to talk to my socially awkward self. Who have to walk and been seen with me (I'm not exactly attractive). I feel like such a burden to others, almost as if they have to put in effort to hang out with me.
At this point, I don't even know what I want to achieve in life. I want to go into computers, but I've never taken any classes. I'm losing my ability to dance decently. I have a hard time talking to people because I'm afraid I talk too much. I hate looking in mirrors because I hate myself. That's not even an exaggeration. I have so many flaws, it's truly unbelievable. If I could, I would want to restart my whole life all over again. Sadly, that's not an option. It's just something I have to deal with, a life I pretend to enjoy.
Hopefully these horrible daydreams will go away and be replaced with better ones.
All I can do....is wait.
Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
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