Coding and Blue Hair?

Song of the Post: Ooh Child
     artist: The Five Stairsteps
     album: Step By Step By Step / Awesome Mix Vol. 1 (Guardians of the Galaxy)

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
Holy moley it's been a while o_O (Sorry about that). So as it may (or may not) have been previously stated in some of my earlier posts, but I want to go into coding and/or programming when I get into college. This makes sense, but at the same time it doesn't. I'm CONSTANTLY online, playing around with HTML, sometimes customizing my tumblr, so it would make sense that I would go into Computers as a major, right? My dad has been pushing and prodding me into registering for this competition for students ages 9-18 called Break Into Code. Basically, you're given a basic game concept and it's your job to customize and renovate it to your liking and make it enjoyable/fun to play, regardless of your level of coding. It's like you're creating your own game. The first place winner gets $3,000. It seems like a fun contest, but when I followed the steps to start, it was as confusing as trying to escape the Labyrinth. It's possible, but it just takes some time. The layout of the customizer for beginners and the tutorial given was not helpful at all (it confused me even more) and it would've been easier if I could just play around and figure it all out on my own. **please note that this is just my personal opinion** If this is how coding and programming works, then I don't think I want to pursue it as a career, but then again it could just be the way that it's set up that I'm not appreciative of. When I use General Assembly, I have a blast learning and I actually retain some information on how to build and design websites! I decided not to continue on in the competition because it doesn't seem very appealing to me and if I'm going to put that much effort into something, I want it to be enjoyable. My father fails to see that, but I just gotta Keep Moving Forward. (Meet the Robinsons reference ;) )
I was also thinking about tinting my hair blue. I've been wanting to dye my hair an unnatural color for as long as I could remember, but I could never do it because I have to look "professional" for theater performances and dance competitions. Now that I'm not as involved and summer is coming up soon, I think I'm just going to keep it black, but tint it so that it looks dark blue in the sun☺☼ Then again, I'm not so sure because I'm afraid the dye will rub off EVERYWHERE. Well, I have some time to figure things out....

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Life Lesson From Sports Essay?

Song of the Post: Rhythm Of Love
     artist: Plain White T's
     album: Wonders of the Younger

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Salutations fellow internet people!
It's close to the end of the school year meaning teachers will pile all the work and lessons they procrastinated in teaching you earlier onto you all at once. Two to three different lessons per week, hours of homework after school, plus any extra-curricular activities you may be involved in. Overall, it's stressful and overbearing! 
In English we had to research and write a persuasive essay. I wrote mine about the effects of competitive parents and why they shouldn't force their kids into sports. Writing and reading an essay about sports helps me realize how useless I am. I can't do anything. I'm not good at anything. I try to expand my interests, but with my fear of failure, I never have the drive to actually try it. When I finally build up the courage to attempt to do that certain activity, I feel like I try way too hard to be decent at something i know i completely suck at. That's also my viewpoint on my own life. I try way too hard to be happy and satisfy my parents' expectations that it takes the joy out of it. It becomes a chore. I put so much effort into making my parents proud, but it's a hard goal to accomplish when all you do is fail. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fed up with life that all I want to do is wait for it to be over. Nothing seems worth it to continue living for. Let the universe just take me and eat me alive. Let society crush me to smithereens so that I have an excuse to lock myself away from the world. 

Completely off topic…I hate but love hot weather. I love being warm all the time, but I hate the what because it means I have to wear shorts, skirts, tank tops, and short sleeved shirts. It also means everyone gets to see me sweat like a pig which is just peachy **note the sarcasm** The seasons of warm weather brings allergies, infestations of bugs, unintentional and unnecessary tanning (I'm dark enough as is), and bring on the endless putdowns from my mother. Her degrading comments become endless. A blackhole, full of nothing but fear and darkness. Discouraging to my attempts to be who I am, and contradicting to her saying that I should be happy with myself. She also calls me stupid and says that I'll never get into the college of my dreams so I might as well start planning on attending a community college since it matches my level of intelligence.

I deeply and sincerely apologize for those out there who think that my posts are super depressing (probably because they are), but I can't write about the joys of life if there currently aren't any. I'm just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear.

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Parents Bullying Their Children

Song of the Post: Happy Little Pill
     artist: Troye Sivan
     album: TRXYE

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
So if you've read my previous posts, you may be aware that I have self-image issues and I finally told my parents about it. Well....today was a game changer.
Most of the reasons why I'm so self-conscious are because of my parents. As their daughter, I want to be the best I can to make them happy and proud, even if that means suffering. I'm not happy, I'm not healthy, I have many issues with myself, and I told them about this, but they see it as a joke. Always telling me I should lose weight, to watch my figure, that they're embarrassed to be around me because I'm not feminine enough.
It hurts.
What kind of world do we live in today that it's okay to tell your children that they aren't good enough for you? It's okay for parents to degrade their children's appearance but God forbid children from expressing their opinion about their parents.
Today was yet another step back from where I started because my parents chose to laugh about my inability to find myself attractive.

                                                                                                                                 

**walking with parents in parking lot toward designated store**

**wearing cardigan over tank top b/c not comfortable showing arms**

Mother: Take off that stupid jacket it's hot out!

Me: I'm okay, I'm just cold because it's breezy out.

Mother: You know your legs are getting pretty big. You should really start dieting.

**covers body, looks at feet, starts walking faster to avoid contact with parents**

Mother: **sing-song voice** Come back my beautiful daughter who hates their mother! 

Father: I bet she doesn't think she's beautiful.

**both parents laughing**

                                                                                                                                   

Yeah. That actually happened.

They very well know that I don't think I'm pretty and I have body issues, but they also had to joke about me hating my mother. Then, they expect me to be okay with this?!? Under what circumstance is this appropriate for parents to do to their kids? Please, enlighten me.

I'm so sick of their behavior and they wonder why I insulate myself in my room. I'm usually used to my parents making fun of me, but I thought that after they read the letter, things would be different. Boy was I wrong. I think after they read it, it gives them more of a reason to mock me because they know it'll get to me.

Am I the only one that has to deal with this?

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl