artist: Plain White T's
album: Wonders of the Younger
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Salutations fellow internet people!
It's close to the end of the school year meaning teachers will pile all the work and lessons they procrastinated in teaching you earlier onto you all at once. Two to three different lessons per week, hours of homework after school, plus any extra-curricular activities you may be involved in. Overall, it's stressful and overbearing!
In English we had to research and write a persuasive essay. I wrote mine about the effects of competitive parents and why they shouldn't force their kids into sports. Writing and reading an essay about sports helps me realize how useless I am. I can't do anything. I'm not good at anything. I try to expand my interests, but with my fear of failure, I never have the drive to actually try it. When I finally build up the courage to attempt to do that certain activity, I feel like I try way too hard to be decent at something i know i completely suck at. That's also my viewpoint on my own life. I try way too hard to be happy and satisfy my parents' expectations that it takes the joy out of it. It becomes a chore. I put so much effort into making my parents proud, but it's a hard goal to accomplish when all you do is fail. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fed up with life that all I want to do is wait for it to be over. Nothing seems worth it to continue living for. Let the universe just take me and eat me alive. Let society crush me to smithereens so that I have an excuse to lock myself away from the world.
Salutations fellow internet people!
It's close to the end of the school year meaning teachers will pile all the work and lessons they procrastinated in teaching you earlier onto you all at once. Two to three different lessons per week, hours of homework after school, plus any extra-curricular activities you may be involved in. Overall, it's stressful and overbearing!
In English we had to research and write a persuasive essay. I wrote mine about the effects of competitive parents and why they shouldn't force their kids into sports. Writing and reading an essay about sports helps me realize how useless I am. I can't do anything. I'm not good at anything. I try to expand my interests, but with my fear of failure, I never have the drive to actually try it. When I finally build up the courage to attempt to do that certain activity, I feel like I try way too hard to be decent at something i know i completely suck at. That's also my viewpoint on my own life. I try way too hard to be happy and satisfy my parents' expectations that it takes the joy out of it. It becomes a chore. I put so much effort into making my parents proud, but it's a hard goal to accomplish when all you do is fail. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fed up with life that all I want to do is wait for it to be over. Nothing seems worth it to continue living for. Let the universe just take me and eat me alive. Let society crush me to smithereens so that I have an excuse to lock myself away from the world.
Completely off topic…I hate but love hot weather. I love being warm all the time, but I hate the what because it means I have to wear shorts, skirts, tank tops, and short sleeved shirts. It also means everyone gets to see me sweat like a pig which is just peachy **note the sarcasm** The seasons of warm weather brings allergies, infestations of bugs, unintentional and unnecessary tanning (I'm dark enough as is), and bring on the endless putdowns from my mother. Her degrading comments become endless. A blackhole, full of nothing but fear and darkness. Discouraging to my attempts to be who I am, and contradicting to her saying that I should be happy with myself. She also calls me stupid and says that I'll never get into the college of my dreams so I might as well start planning on attending a community college since it matches my level of intelligence.
I deeply and sincerely apologize for those out there who think that my posts are super depressing (probably because they are), but I can't write about the joys of life if there currently aren't any. I'm just waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear.
Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
