Back to being a "Debbie Downer"

Song of the Post: Divorce and the American South
     artist: Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties
     album: We Don't Have Each Other

 Learn how to download here

DISCLAIMER: This is a depressing and sad post so you don't have to read this if you don't want to. I'm just venting out and expressing my opinion.

Salutations fellow internet people!
WOOO HOORAY FOR UNSCHEDULED POSTING! **please note the sarcasm before it gets awkward** It's funny because I have a whole bunch of mini posts that I type in the notes in my phone because I always forget to actually write them on my blog so HERE IT IS!

S/N (that means 'side note') Check out the album, We Don't Have Each Other, by Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties ☺ His songs may be super depressing, but they are AMAZING!

Anywho...lately, I've been feeling really down. Hopeless, crushed, and defeated to be a little more specific ☹ I've been staying up until 2 am everyday. It's not that I don't want to fall asleep, it's that I can't fall asleep. I look in the mirror and hate who I am, so I binge eat. Soon enough, I realize what I'm doing so I starve myself. Curse the people who can effortlessly pull off anything. I'm not getting anything done. I'm not being productive. I'm obsessing over friends who most likely don't care for me. I try too hard to talk to people, but because of that it seems like I'm arrogant and awkward when attempting to socialize so I just stop talking in general. I hold myself back from so many things in fear of judgement, not only from others but also from myself. I delete and throw away projects that seem dumb after finishing them because I feel like I've failed. It's like I get so close, yet I manage to screw myself over and mess up my whole opportunity. My parents freak out when they see the tiniest of scratches on me (because I scar easily) so they automatically assume I went back to my old ways and think I'm some sort of suicidal mess. (That's their opinion, not mine) I'm sick of my mood swings and I'm sick of who I am.
Why do I even bother trying?

I'm so sorry that most of my posts are really sad and depressing, but that's just...well...me. This is my life and I'm choosing to use this blog as a way to vent. I'm open to any advice from anyone who is out there.
Not gonna lie, it would be nice to look back and see how I transitioned from the sad being that I am now to a happy and healthy person sometime in the future. But who knows what my future is going to be like? I'm not going to force myself to be happy on my own blog I already do that in real life.

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Multiple Crushes Pt.2

Song of the Post: Bring Me To Life
     artist: Evanescence
     album: Fallen

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
So....I have more than one crush currently (Two to be exact). One I "met" in religious class and one I'm sorta friends with, but BOTH I have stalked on pretty much every social media platform. It sounds creepy, but honestly, who HASN'T stalked their crush online AT LEAST once. Those who deny are liars. Because I'm a turnip and can't properly socialize with human beings, I've had pretty bad first impressions with both of these gentlemen. (This is part 2)
So the guy that I'm sorta friends with (let's call him Ryan) is someone who always catches me at the wrong times. It all started when I was sleeping over a friend's house. It was me, Ryan, 4 other girls, and 4 other guys. It was my first time meeting Ryan and 3 others. When Ryan arrived I was baffled. Typical punk rock kid, always wore a beanie, and what really got me was that he had an accent. A FREAKIN ACCENT. He has one of those really innocent-looking faces and his teeth are perfect. The need to run my fingers through his curly hair was engulfing me. I was the only one to figure out what kind of accent he had out of everyone at the house (I take pride in that). Skip forward to later that night when were eating pizza for dinner, a guy friend and I were joking around and started singing "After Ever After" by Paint. Ryan interrupted our jam session, kind of shocked that I knew that song word for word. I could tell he was excited and impressed that I did and proceeded to sing along with us. Obviously we annoyed, yet entertained everyone at the table but I could care less. After dinner, the fire pit was lighted and we were able to roast marshmallows to make s'mores. One of the boys started playing "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne. Everyone sang along and I just awkwardly sat there because I didn't know that song at the time (about a year ago). Ryan noticed and we had a long dispute if it was socially acceptable or not for me to not know that song. Things got even more awkward when Ryan's beanie fell off his head and a condom was in it. I don't think he knew it was in there because he made eye contact with one of the guys there and punched him in the arm. Me being me got really flustered and luckily you couldn't see me blushing since the only light outside was the fire. After that I barely saw him except with the occasional greetings because I was close friends with one of his best friends. Skip to a year later (which is now), I had English class with Ryan. Again, barely any small interactions between us. It wasn't until the end of the year that I got his number from a mutual friend of ours to ask him for advice. A mutual guy friend keeps bothering me and touching me AND he has a girlfriend who he wants me to meet in the city. After that talk, I guess we're friends? We would have Snapchat conversations late at night (he would always fall asleep first) sometimes and during finals week we would sometimes have study sessions with friends over Skype. I know for sure that both of them are EXTREMELY out of my league, but a girl can dream.

I hate crushes.

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl