Multiple Crushes Pt.2

Song of the Post: Bring Me To Life
     artist: Evanescence
     album: Fallen

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
So....I have more than one crush currently (Two to be exact). One I "met" in religious class and one I'm sorta friends with, but BOTH I have stalked on pretty much every social media platform. It sounds creepy, but honestly, who HASN'T stalked their crush online AT LEAST once. Those who deny are liars. Because I'm a turnip and can't properly socialize with human beings, I've had pretty bad first impressions with both of these gentlemen. (This is part 2)
So the guy that I'm sorta friends with (let's call him Ryan) is someone who always catches me at the wrong times. It all started when I was sleeping over a friend's house. It was me, Ryan, 4 other girls, and 4 other guys. It was my first time meeting Ryan and 3 others. When Ryan arrived I was baffled. Typical punk rock kid, always wore a beanie, and what really got me was that he had an accent. A FREAKIN ACCENT. He has one of those really innocent-looking faces and his teeth are perfect. The need to run my fingers through his curly hair was engulfing me. I was the only one to figure out what kind of accent he had out of everyone at the house (I take pride in that). Skip forward to later that night when were eating pizza for dinner, a guy friend and I were joking around and started singing "After Ever After" by Paint. Ryan interrupted our jam session, kind of shocked that I knew that song word for word. I could tell he was excited and impressed that I did and proceeded to sing along with us. Obviously we annoyed, yet entertained everyone at the table but I could care less. After dinner, the fire pit was lighted and we were able to roast marshmallows to make s'mores. One of the boys started playing "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne. Everyone sang along and I just awkwardly sat there because I didn't know that song at the time (about a year ago). Ryan noticed and we had a long dispute if it was socially acceptable or not for me to not know that song. Things got even more awkward when Ryan's beanie fell off his head and a condom was in it. I don't think he knew it was in there because he made eye contact with one of the guys there and punched him in the arm. Me being me got really flustered and luckily you couldn't see me blushing since the only light outside was the fire. After that I barely saw him except with the occasional greetings because I was close friends with one of his best friends. Skip to a year later (which is now), I had English class with Ryan. Again, barely any small interactions between us. It wasn't until the end of the year that I got his number from a mutual friend of ours to ask him for advice. A mutual guy friend keeps bothering me and touching me AND he has a girlfriend who he wants me to meet in the city. After that talk, I guess we're friends? We would have Snapchat conversations late at night (he would always fall asleep first) sometimes and during finals week we would sometimes have study sessions with friends over Skype. I know for sure that both of them are EXTREMELY out of my league, but a girl can dream.

I hate crushes.

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Movies, YouTube, and So Much More...

Song of the Post: Thnks Fr Th Mmrs
     artist: Fall Out Boy
     album: Infinity On High

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
The more I see the title of my blog, the more I am starting to hate it. I honestly suck at writing posts, but I feel like I should today because ALOT has been going on lately. (This is pretty much just going to be my train of thought)
So school ended! YAY! Am I happy? Happy that it's over. Am I excited for summer? Ehhh not really. I have AP homework for a class I didn't know I was enrolled in and I don't have a set schedule so my first day is going to be a blast! **note the sarcasm** -.- But I'm sure the rest of my summer will go swimmingly. I'm mostly hoping I ACTUALLY get to exercise a bit more because I'm so unhappy with myself. I've been switching off between overeating and starving and I can't take it anymore. Also, my sleep schedule is wacky because I either can't sleep or I'm having a Snapchat conversation with a friend.
As I've done my whole life, I've spent most of my summer so far on the internet. Tumblr, Netflix, and YouTube are my most visited. I was able to watch multiple movies, all of which I enjoyed. Tumblr is just.......Tumblr. And watching so many YouTube videos kinda makes me want to start making videos on my own channel again. Way back when, my best friend and I started a YouTube channel together and would just posts whatever WE thought was cool. We used my HP camera and her FlipCam to record vlogs of us walking home from school, going shopping, going to festivals, and just recording our adventures together. I ended up using my camera for Yearbook in school and didn't realize that all of our vlogs were erased when I plugged it into the school computers. And what made matters worse was that her FlipCam broke and wouldn't upload anything onto any device. Overtime, we both kinda drifted apart and never made a video ever again. Sometimes I look back at our old videos and just cringe at our younger selves, but I get really emotional because I really, truly miss how happy I was doing it.
I don't actually say this out loud, but I do think about it ALL THE TIME: I feel like I was destined to do something so much more than what I am doing now. I feel arrogant whenever I talk about it, but I just feel like I need to something impacting and really just get myself out there in the world. I don't really know if anyone else has this same feeling, but I don't know, I've had this same thought in my head since I could remember.
I've been binge watching Dan Howell (Danisnotonfire) on YouTube lately. On top of being pretty much a God with a British accent, he's a nerd and I love it. I can relate to his awkwardness, and I think that's the point of YouTube. To connect with others of same personalities or interests or whatever, and to let people know that they aren't the only ones. Looking back at what I just typed, those two sentences don't make sense together but at the same time it does....I'll just leave it to interpretation. Anyways, my sister has been bugging me about how I'm going to prom this upcoming school year and IS DYING to go dress shopping with me. Little does she know that I've already chosen one that fits me perfectly, is completely free of cost, and I have it in my possession. I'm just keeping it a secret because I enjoy trying on clothes and fancy dresses ☺ It got me thinking of who I could possibly go to prom with. I'm not the most attractive person, I'm socially awkward, and my height isn't very suitable for most individuals. I had considered taking my chances and doing a promposal for a YouTuber, but after self-evaluation, I've decided that they're better off without me begging them to go to prom with me and my beanstalk of a personality.
Oh! I've been driving alot more lately since it's summer! I just REALLY suck at parking. Parking will be the death of me just UGH. Since I don't have to stress about school, I've been taking time in the morning to actually look presentable. I wear makeup and decent clothes now! Before, I would only do it on the weekends, but now it's an everyday thing and it feels nice to pamper myself each day after a whole school year of dressing in essentially the same thing everyday (sweaters, jeans, t-shirts, converse/vans, etc) with only mascara on my face. The immediate feeling of power I get when I put on lipstick is just heart-eyes emoji. Oh gosh I actually typed that...I'll see myself out. No but seriously I love wearing lipstick. I never really realized that literally all of the makeup I wear is matte. Oh well! It may not seem like a big deal for me to dress nice, but to me it is. I don't know why I do this and I want to stop, but whenever I doll myself up the way I like on a school day, I give stupid excuses as to why I'm dressed that way that day. It usually falls along the lines of: not finding "normal" clothes to wear, having a presentation in one of my classes, having family over after school, or because I was "forced" to look nice. In reality, I WANTED and CHOSE to look nice that day. I just don't feel comfortable telling people that because I expect responses like "why don't you choose to do that everyday?" or "are you dressing like that to impress someone?" **sigh** Why can't I be normal?
Well that's all I got for right now, I guess. How was your school year? Anything exciting for summer? SHOULD I resume my channel and start making videos again? If you had a channel, what would YOU do? Any future plans/past experiences with prom?

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl

Sharing Secrets w/ Friends - Good or Bad?

Song of the Post: Airplanes and Terminals
     artist: Andrew Garcia, Traphik & G Seven
     album: (They're Youtubers ☞ No album!)

 Learn how to download here

Salutations fellow internet people!
Also Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of the Ram, so if you're turning 12, 24, 36, etc. then this is your year ☺ Typically those who celebrate will receive red envelopes containing money from their parents as a way to start the new year, and it's good luck to wear red.
Anyways...back to the topic. Sharing secrets with friends- is it a good or bad thing? 
Friendship is important, but secrets are very personal to each individual. When friends tell each other secrets, it creates a stronger bond. I know when someone tells me something private, I get all tingly inside because it's sort of a way of them telling you that you're trustworthy. It also makes each other feel important and special because you are exchanging private information about each other that is too personal to share with the world.
Sometimes, people who know these secrets think it's okay to almost mock your private business, but it's technically "not telling anyone." One of my closest guy friends, Ty, had recently found out that I used to like one of his friends, Brad, and sends me pictures of Brad whenever they're together saying "oh look who I'm with ;)" or "remember him? ;)" I trust Ty because we both have a little dirt on each other, but I kind of regret telling him about my past with Brad. I don't think he knows that his teasing makes me uncomfortable and that I wish I never told him in the first place. 
I think the worst is when you tell a friend a really deep secret and they judge you for it. It makes me question how/who I am that created such a strong reaction from a close friend. Is it wrong to like certain things? Is the world going to end if I have feelings toward a certain someone? Is there a specific guideline on how I should live my own life? "But it's not YOU." Okay. That's cool. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to like and appreciate certain things because it doesn't fit my image. 
Don't let anyone bring you down for exploring and expanding your variety of interests. It's your decision to choose whether you like something or not, not someone else's. If you decide to tell one friend a secret and not the other, that's okay. It's not like it's their business to share anyways. 
Have you ever wondered what happened to the secrets that you told people you're not friends with anymore? Are they going to tell anyone? Or do they just forget about them...? I know that when I'm told a secret, it stays with me because I respect people's privacy and so should they, but that's not always the case. Which brings up my next question.... Are you able to keep your mouth shut? If you expect others to keep your secrets, it's common sense to know that you should also zip your lips. If someone isn't comfortable telling you something, don't push it. Would you want the same thing to happen to you? It's all about reciprocating actions and emotions. "Treat others the way you want to be treated." 

Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl