artist: We The Kings
album: Check Yes Juliet (Single)
This was my eighth journal entry in my actual physical journal. Yes, the names are already changed. I'm going to be posting the rest of my entries, then will start posting mainly on here.
This was when Iam was having a hard time studying due to lack of sleep and motivation. My grades weren't bad, but I was having a hard time understanding what was going on. It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will.
September 13, 2014
My life is a complete mess. I screwed up with my English, I'm most likely going to do poorly in Honors Chemistry, I ordered shoes for dance that we might not even use + they don't even look good on my anyways, I'm too caught up in homework, and I am the worst friend ever. I don't know what I was thinking when I got the boots. My legs are too short and fat for it to look even the slightest bit decent. I really hope I get a gym membership soon. The machines motivate me more than running around the neighborhood. I'm just afraid of having people I know see me run then tease and make fun of me at school. And it's so hard to do crunches and pushups at home because there's no space and I get to distracted by other things.
I don't deserve friends like Sarah, Peter, Andy F., etc (my current group of friends). They're too good for me. I don't even check my phone that often, and when I see their texts from hours earlier, I feel like absolute doo-doo. I'm not even kidding. I don't understand how they've stuck around for so long....or maybe I'm the one clinging onto them. It makes me a bit uncomfortable when people like Brad or Sabrina are mentioned because it makes me think about middle school. Middle school consisted of the absolute worst 3 years of my life. I still can't believe an old friend, Katrina, got me a birthday present though. I haven't talked to her in about a year, yet she gave me a gift. I'm also wondering why, since I've acted like such a spoiled brat and a witch to her and I regret every single second of it.
Sometimes I wonder how much easier life would be of I were skinnier, stayed at GV Elementary school, stayed in martial arts, took coding classes, continued theater, took singing lessons, continued photography, etc. I'm sure I would be so much better than I am now. I'd probably be a better friend, be a bit more social, a better student, and not an embarrassment in general. I'm a piece of rubbish. I'm good for a select amount of time then dumped and never looked back at again until it's too late and I'm already unchangeable.
I hope this streak of short entries continue because these are making me even more depressed than I already am just going over them again. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
This was when I
September 13, 2014
My life is a complete mess. I screwed up with my English, I'm most likely going to do poorly in Honors Chemistry, I ordered shoes for dance that we might not even use + they don't even look good on my anyways, I'm too caught up in homework, and I am the worst friend ever. I don't know what I was thinking when I got the boots. My legs are too short and fat for it to look even the slightest bit decent. I really hope I get a gym membership soon. The machines motivate me more than running around the neighborhood. I'm just afraid of having people I know see me run then tease and make fun of me at school. And it's so hard to do crunches and pushups at home because there's no space and I get to distracted by other things.
I don't deserve friends like Sarah, Peter, Andy F., etc (my current group of friends). They're too good for me. I don't even check my phone that often, and when I see their texts from hours earlier, I feel like absolute doo-doo. I'm not even kidding. I don't understand how they've stuck around for so long....or maybe I'm the one clinging onto them. It makes me a bit uncomfortable when people like Brad or Sabrina are mentioned because it makes me think about middle school. Middle school consisted of the absolute worst 3 years of my life. I still can't believe an old friend, Katrina, got me a birthday present though. I haven't talked to her in about a year, yet she gave me a gift. I'm also wondering why, since I've acted like such a spoiled brat and a witch to her and I regret every single second of it.
Sometimes I wonder how much easier life would be of I were skinnier, stayed at GV Elementary school, stayed in martial arts, took coding classes, continued theater, took singing lessons, continued photography, etc. I'm sure I would be so much better than I am now. I'd probably be a better friend, be a bit more social, a better student, and not an embarrassment in general. I'm a piece of rubbish. I'm good for a select amount of time then dumped and never looked back at again until it's too late and I'm already unchangeable.
I hope this streak of short entries continue because these are making me even more depressed than I already am just going over them again. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
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