artist: 5 Seconds Of Summer
album: 5 Seconds Of Summer [it was a self-titled album]
This was my twelfth journal entry in my actual physical journal. Yes, the names are already changed. I'm going to be posting the rest of my entries, then will start posting mainly on here.
This was when Iam was having an internal war with myself and over thinking pretty much every situation about my life at the time. It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will.
November 4, 2014
I'm so controversial with myself and it's a bit confusing. I point out and emphasize my flaws, but I also try to cheer myself up (not as effective as putting myself down). Also when I fall for someone...I fall hard. They never leave that space in my heart. I thought things like this (a crush) were only supposed to last no more than 2 months. Each crush has lasted years and still continue on but at a smaller amount.
I know this is wrong and I hate myself for this, but I admit that I'm mad, upset, and jealous that Cassie and Ted may have a thing for each other. It bothers me more than it should seeing that they're both my best friends. I shouldn't be be jealous though, she's obviously the better choice. Why can't I be that perfect? Even if I slimmed down to the perfect body, you can't wash off ugly. Oh and I almost forgot....I'm Asian. There's nothing wrong with that, but since I'm growing up in a white-dominant town, I'm part of the minorities. What was I thinking? Obviously nothing if I could figure that one out.
I almost have a feeling that I'm in the front or the middle of dance formations only because they'd feel bad that if I was in the back no one would be able to see me. I'm not a good dancer. Why do people lie to me so much? I'm not good at anything, I'm worthless. Unlovable. I'm the girl that no one wanted to cuddle at Sarah's birthday party, which is kinda depressing. Sarah admitted she liked Logan, but only to me and Bianca. I almost had to admit my feelings about Ted during Truth or Dare, but I was able to get out of the situation. My first kiss was almost going to be Ty, but again I was able to get out of it. That Truth or Dare game was a bit intense. I figured out that Logan has a really nice body. My thighs are 'on-point' according to Ty, but that makes me self-conscious because that's one of the areas I'm most sensitive about.
I hate how fat I am. Shopping with Mom today was one of the most embarrassing times with her because nothing fit like how it was supposed to....at all. It wasn't because they were baggy, it was because of my body.
Well it's past midnight and I have school tomorrow so I better get to bed (even though I'm not even tired. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
This was when I
November 4, 2014
I'm so controversial with myself and it's a bit confusing. I point out and emphasize my flaws, but I also try to cheer myself up (not as effective as putting myself down). Also when I fall for someone...I fall hard. They never leave that space in my heart. I thought things like this (a crush) were only supposed to last no more than 2 months. Each crush has lasted years and still continue on but at a smaller amount.
I know this is wrong and I hate myself for this, but I admit that I'm mad, upset, and jealous that Cassie and Ted may have a thing for each other. It bothers me more than it should seeing that they're both my best friends. I shouldn't be be jealous though, she's obviously the better choice. Why can't I be that perfect? Even if I slimmed down to the perfect body, you can't wash off ugly. Oh and I almost forgot....I'm Asian. There's nothing wrong with that, but since I'm growing up in a white-dominant town, I'm part of the minorities. What was I thinking? Obviously nothing if I could figure that one out.
I almost have a feeling that I'm in the front or the middle of dance formations only because they'd feel bad that if I was in the back no one would be able to see me. I'm not a good dancer. Why do people lie to me so much? I'm not good at anything, I'm worthless. Unlovable. I'm the girl that no one wanted to cuddle at Sarah's birthday party, which is kinda depressing. Sarah admitted she liked Logan, but only to me and Bianca. I almost had to admit my feelings about Ted during Truth or Dare, but I was able to get out of the situation. My first kiss was almost going to be Ty, but again I was able to get out of it. That Truth or Dare game was a bit intense. I figured out that Logan has a really nice body. My thighs are 'on-point' according to Ty, but that makes me self-conscious because that's one of the areas I'm most sensitive about.
I hate how fat I am. Shopping with Mom today was one of the most embarrassing times with her because nothing fit like how it was supposed to....at all. It wasn't because they were baggy, it was because of my body.
Well it's past midnight and I have school tomorrow so I better get to bed (even though I'm not even tired. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
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