Third Journal Entry

This was my third journal entry in my actual physical journal. Yes, the names are already changed. I'm going to be posting the rest of my entries, then will start posting mainly on here.

This was when I am was going through a falling out with one of my best friends named Patricia/Patty (pretty much family). It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will. 
                                                                                  

1:16 am
July 30, 2014

     I think my life is a mistake. As if I should've either died earlier or not have been born in general. I bet if Kira's twin sister had lived in the womb, I wouldn't be here today. Was I just a replacement child? I feel like I'm here just because they needed another child. I don't feel like I fit in with the family. I've got nothing to offer up to the family. No over-above-and-beyond-grades-that-could-get-me-into-any-college. No natural-born talents that can make me a celebrity (like Andy in the Martial Arts world). I can't do any sports, I'm not creative, I suck at writing and speaking -> I always fumble my words (my mind runs faster than my body can do physically). I suck at dancing, singing, and I;m pretty sure my "acting" is just using my projection voice -> which I'm pretty sure is dying down. I literally have nothing to offer to the world. 
     I'm a flawed human being, nothing good about me. A huge nose, bad teeth, weird smile, small sparse lashes, receding hair lines from my parts, pudgy stomach, acne prone face, wide short legs, weird scars in random places, huge pores, and hair that fails to go away.... as hard as I try to shave/pluck/was them smoothly....I always have bumps and it's annoying -.-* Me as a whole is my biggest insecurity. I can't seem to do anything correctly. My life is literally a mess. 
     What quality do I possess that is even remotely useful or good? My laugh? no I cackle like a dying seal.... The fact that almost anyone can take advantage of me? When am I going to be important? When am I going to be the "big impact" on the world? Nonetheless my family or at least people I know. I think that's my problem. I crave attention. It's not like it's a choice, I honestly hate it. But can I help it? No. The thought "why don't they notice me" constantly runs through my head. How do I make it stop? Sometimes I look in the mirror or see my reflection and think, "why do I even try?"

                                                                                  
So that makes 3/14 O.O.... Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!

<3 The Little Fangirl