artist: Green Day
album: 21st Century Breakdown
This was my seventh journal entry in my actual physical journal. Yes, the names are already changed. I'm going to be posting the rest of my entries, then will start posting mainly on here.
This was when Iam was having an excessive amount of body and mother issues. It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will.
September 7, 2014
Why can't I be Cassie (one of my current best friends)? Great personality, perfect body (in a non-creepy way), easy to get along with....I always see outfits and clothes online but I know I'll never be able to pull them off. 1. I'm way too fat. 2. I don't have the right body proportions. I'm sure if my body evened out, I could dress how Mom would like me to. I would wear boots, shorts, crop tops, heck even dresses or skirts! I don't mind heels....I fancy them quite a bit....but I look horrid in them. I just wish I could've gotten that gym membership. I know it would take me a while to reach my goal, but at least I know I'm going to get there. Sadly, I can kiss that dream goodbye because it's not happening anymore. I know everything happens for a reason, but what's the light at the end of the tunnel for me? What am I good at? Not coding. Not dancing. Not studying. Not pretty. Not skinny. Not perfect. I'm a mistake.
Definitely one of my shorter ones. I was reading the entry while I was typing, and it made me think of an incident that occurred not too long ago. My dad was driving me to my one and only dance class and we were talking about people in pictures. I'm the least photogenic person you will ever meet and when I mentioned that he said "You're beautiful, you know that?" I've never felt so uncomfortable with him in my entire life. I didn't know how to respond because I know that's his honest opinion but I just....I don't agree with him.
Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
This was when I
September 7, 2014
Why can't I be Cassie (one of my current best friends)? Great personality, perfect body (in a non-creepy way), easy to get along with....I always see outfits and clothes online but I know I'll never be able to pull them off. 1. I'm way too fat. 2. I don't have the right body proportions. I'm sure if my body evened out, I could dress how Mom would like me to. I would wear boots, shorts, crop tops, heck even dresses or skirts! I don't mind heels....I fancy them quite a bit....but I look horrid in them. I just wish I could've gotten that gym membership. I know it would take me a while to reach my goal, but at least I know I'm going to get there. Sadly, I can kiss that dream goodbye because it's not happening anymore. I know everything happens for a reason, but what's the light at the end of the tunnel for me? What am I good at? Not coding. Not dancing. Not studying. Not pretty. Not skinny. Not perfect. I'm a mistake.
Definitely one of my shorter ones. I was reading the entry while I was typing, and it made me think of an incident that occurred not too long ago. My dad was driving me to my one and only dance class and we were talking about people in pictures. I'm the least photogenic person you will ever meet and when I mentioned that he said "You're beautiful, you know that?" I've never felt so uncomfortable with him in my entire life. I didn't know how to respond because I know that's his honest opinion but I just....I don't agree with him.
Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
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