artist: 5 Seconds Of Summer
album: Don't Stop EP / Amnesia EP
This was my eleventh journal entry in my actual physical journal. Yes, the names are already changed. I'm going to be posting the rest of my entries, then will start posting mainly on here.
This was when my closest friend I could ever had (but backstabbed me in 4th grade) sent me a text out of nowhere 5 years later. I felt my heart physically break and I forgot how to breathe when I saw her name on my phone screen. I never replied because it took too much of a toll on me and still does. It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will.
October 20, 2014
Who knew that a single text message could break someone down? One simple, incomplete sentence can tear you to pieces. Michelle texted me saying she was watching Twitches (the movie that created our close bond) and she thought of me....What about all those other 5 years? My birthdays? Every time you listened to Taylor Swift (another bonding element)? My life is ruined and tainted because of her. I thought I could escape those memories but they always seem to haunt me. Just like my thoughts of dying.
I haven't really noticed how often I think about ways to kill myself and the effects I would cause. Sadly, the death part itself was the most dramatic and changing. No one cared, they would just complain about poor decisions I made. Their truth about me would poor out like a waterfall of words. I honestly think I should go to counseling. I have some sort of depression or social anxiety or attention craving disorder or something. It bothers me because I want someone to talk to but I can never find the right person to talk to, not even Kara. I love Kara and so does my family, but this is something I just can't speak to her about it because I feel like she will judge me. No one would understand. Patty doesn't even know. Mom knows most of what's going on with me, but not the full story and she thinks I'm just being over dramatic.
I also have this growing desire to do more than life is throwing at me. I feel like I deserve more attention in social medias/the world....to be known....but we all know that's never going to happen. I'm not skinny, pretty, or talented enough to make/do it. I want to dress and look as nice as Mom wants me to, but I can't. I love heels, I love wearing makeup, I love curling my hair, I love dresses, skirts, shorts, rompers,etc. I love them all, but I can't pull hem off. Everything I wear look terrible (including sweats and skinny jeans). It has come to a point where my comfort clothes look hideous on me. It sickens me how much of a fail I am in life. Can someone please end my misery?
That was a very depressing day for me, and I had such a hard time sleeping that night. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
This was when my closest friend I could ever had (but backstabbed me in 4th grade) sent me a text out of nowhere 5 years later. I felt my heart physically break and I forgot how to breathe when I saw her name on my phone screen. I never replied because it took too much of a toll on me and still does. It's a bit depressing to read, so read at your own will.
October 20, 2014
Who knew that a single text message could break someone down? One simple, incomplete sentence can tear you to pieces. Michelle texted me saying she was watching Twitches (the movie that created our close bond) and she thought of me....What about all those other 5 years? My birthdays? Every time you listened to Taylor Swift (another bonding element)? My life is ruined and tainted because of her. I thought I could escape those memories but they always seem to haunt me. Just like my thoughts of dying.
I haven't really noticed how often I think about ways to kill myself and the effects I would cause. Sadly, the death part itself was the most dramatic and changing. No one cared, they would just complain about poor decisions I made. Their truth about me would poor out like a waterfall of words. I honestly think I should go to counseling. I have some sort of depression or social anxiety or attention craving disorder or something. It bothers me because I want someone to talk to but I can never find the right person to talk to, not even Kara. I love Kara and so does my family, but this is something I just can't speak to her about it because I feel like she will judge me. No one would understand. Patty doesn't even know. Mom knows most of what's going on with me, but not the full story and she thinks I'm just being over dramatic.
I also have this growing desire to do more than life is throwing at me. I feel like I deserve more attention in social medias/the world....to be known....but we all know that's never going to happen. I'm not skinny, pretty, or talented enough to make/do it. I want to dress and look as nice as Mom wants me to, but I can't. I love heels, I love wearing makeup, I love curling my hair, I love dresses, skirts, shorts, rompers,etc. I love them all, but I can't pull hem off. Everything I wear look terrible (including sweats and skinny jeans). It has come to a point where my comfort clothes look hideous on me. It sickens me how much of a fail I am in life. Can someone please end my misery?
That was a very depressing day for me, and I had such a hard time sleeping that night. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions below!
<3 The Little Fangirl
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